Setting Free the one you love

"If you love somebody set them free... If they come back.. they are yours.. If not, they never will.."
That quote is one of my favorite piece of advice I'd like to give to a brokenhearted friend or acquaintance . Upon listening to others people problem,  I always came up a piece of advice that makes them smile and realize something better is coming and it is for good.
For six days since September 11,2011 I've been trying to convince myself .. It felt like all I learned and teach to others is gone and I don't believe myself anymore.. My mind tells me to do something right and good but my heart refuse and question myself if it is right...

September 12, 2011 almost 1 a.m. we are still at videoke bar and 1 more hour we need to go back home and only 14 hours left before her flight. I want to make it memorable for her..  I did the best.. I prepared this for month and so far my plan is working smoothly.. I gave my girlfriend a three white heart shaped balloon and an 8 shape pendant , etch with our initials...  I was shaking when I gave my gift and got tongue-tied.. I convince myself it is time and I should tell her.... it hard to say the word.. the words that is running in my mind from the moment I step at the videoke bar that waiting for the right time..  the words that keeps running my mind that makes my heart painful like a million tiny needles that is piercing..  I ask myself to find the last courage I have because time is running fast.. I look in her eyes, upon seeing her eyes I smiled and slowly put the pendant in her necklace and saying " this eight shape pendant means my infinite love for you and by simple saying thank you for everything and teaching me to love.."   I saw her smile and teary eyes, I tried to break the ice and put a little humor " stop crying or else I will nominate you in OSCAR award for best actress."  she laugh at me and said that I am so silly because she can see that I am teary eyes again...my only response is a smile and I look at the people around me... I saw them glued watching us, I dont know if they are enjoying what they see or the guys is enjoying to see me torturing myself, while some of our female friends cried and I told them " hoy mga engot wala kayo sa sinehan.. Ha!ha!ha!"/" Hey you guys are stupid you are not in the movie house... ha!ha!ha!" and they all laugh at some replied just continue what we are doing...
      I need to break the ice because anytime my heart will explode that's why I divert my attention to my usher friends because the next move that I will do is painful... I gave her the 3 heart shaped white balloon and saying..... " this balloon..."  my heart became to heavy and I felt like someone is crushing my heart.. "this 3 heart shaped balloon means my pure love saying how much I love you..."  after saying that my heart beats faster...  "if you let this balloon fly, my love will soar high.."    now I can feel some warm liquid flowing on my face..  " if you set this balloon free, it means setting me free from this stupid feeling and setting you free.. free from your childish boyfriend.. free to worry me... free to do things.. free from everything without a guilty feeling... free from anger because what if I got tempted to someone or you receive a gossip or vice versa."   Upon saying that I made a face palm, fuck what did I say.. crap.. crap..
I look at her and saw her crying.. for the last time I crab the courage  "this balloon means I'm giving your freedom back!" I'm already crying and tried to get out in the room.. walk fast away from her.. I don't want to see her decision... I don't want that balloon to see fly... I'm already outside and my friends followed me.. I don't care to them, all I want is to vanish and go home.. I heard  my girlfriend shouting me at the window

"Hoy Gago ka! Ikaw ang best actor pinaiyak mo kaming lahat oh.. bumalik ka dito oscar best actor" / "Hey you Asshole! You are the best actor, you made us all cry here.. come back here OSCAR best actor."  My friends laugh and so was the others but I just remain standing outside.. the last thing I know is she's standing beside me and smiling.. I saw her untying the balloons and letting all the air near her heart and saying " now I know how much you love me. I will not let this balloon fly but instead I let the air out near my heart and breath it in, the air from your balloon will be the air of my heart to keep moving and to ease the loneliness in Canada while I'm away and this night will be remember."  I smiled but still she's leaving then she said "You can flirt to anyone while I'm away  but when I came back you will be mine and lets hope for the better!" she grab my beer belly, pinch me and pulling my love handle which is hurting me while she lead the ways upstair. I told her to stop because its painful, I mean pulling my love handle while going back to our videoke room.. she just replied " You punishment for being a Drama King of the night Mister Oscar best actor!" we all laugh and we made an agreement  "NO PROMISES! Let the destiny decide!"
somewhat my heart is refusing but smiling...

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Posted in: personal

My Own Sweet Goodbye

I'm stuck at 9/11/11... and I freeze my time and got lazy on my life.... I felt like I'm an android robot.. just moving and doesn't care anymore.. Someone stole my heart.. I just want to stay in my room and do nothing but I need to continue my life..

Three months ago my girlfriend of 3 years gave me a good news that her dream came true and show me her papers. I saw how joyful she is as her dream to work at Canada as a nurse came true. I am happy to her and never entertained the thought that in just 3 months she's leaving. I tried to make it memorable and happy as the day flies.

On September 11, 2011 was the last day we are together because on September 12 she will be flying to Manila and September 16 she will be in Canada.

 I prepared a farewell party her friend and my friend went to videoke bar and sing our heart out loud and try to enjoy..
    I did try to enjoy but my heart starts to break as minute pass bye and became an hour that flies so fast. That night I'm wishing that the time to stop.. "If only I could stop the time."   I tried to fight the sadness that grows in my heart every minute and build a nice defense for myself so that no one could notice.. I gave my best performance to be a great pretender.. Pretending to be happy but my heart is crying...  I don't want to show to anyone.. but my last defense is slowly collapsing as our friends sang a love song...



This Love Story song.. I tried to ignore this song but every lyrics and every melody is deeply sinking in my mind and heart.. My gf friend sang this in our videoke marathon and constantly teasing me.. I tried to ignore and make fun but I end up listening to it.. for me to forget it I sung some happy and dance song but still this song mad a huge impact and my last of defense totally gone and became emotional...
One of my friend tease me "iiyak na yan! iiyak na yan!"/  " he will cry! he will cry!" and everyone in the room start that chant and made me laugh and told them " tanga di ako iiyak!"/ " Stupid, I'm not gonna cry!" and I laughed. Then Chen my jerk friend, ask us to sing our love song and I told them that we didn't have any official love song but I told them that the song "The Gift" would be appropriate for our love theme song.. I told them because "the gift" is the first song we heard when the first time we share our affection and told them we overheard that sung by a drunk passerby.. So whenever I tried to tease my girlfriend I tried to sing the song heavily out of tune and I never failed to make her frown because she constantly telling me I have the best awful voice and never heard me sing "the gift'' in the right tune..lol...  all of us who's in videoke private room laugh... then my girlfriend and I sang "The gift"




before the music start she beg me to sing this right and I told her that I can't sing. My girlfriend thought I had an awful voice and already tease me with all our friend listening saying " walang lalabas! habang kumakanta ang pinakamamahal ko, sabay sabay tayong dudugo ang tenga!"/ "No one will leave while my beloved is singing! together we will have a bleeding ears!" and they all laugh.. I just smile and told them "tonight you will hear an angel sing, because I have the most beautiful voice  from all of you people who's in this room! You will envy my golden voice." I told that very confident.. and what I got, a replied  "in your dreams!".. we all laugh... 


As the song start they all glued listening to us.. I sang "The gift" with all my heart and my girlfriend was so surprise. She cried while I'm singing and I wipe her tears. As we sing the our love song her tears keep falling and we forgot that we are not alone in the videoke room I ask her why she is crying her replied to is that she now understand me 100% and she can feel my sadness and the way I sing is clearly made an etch to her heart saying how much I love her... that moment... I felt the time stop.. just the two of us.. I hug her.. and kiss her..
     I told her remember you asked me if I love you? and I replied your question with an answer of question asking "why all of a sudden you ask that?" and I gave another answer with another question "you think what I'm doing to you is not enough? Is action speaks louder than word? I remember that night clearly and never forget the looks in your eyes. You want me to mum the words I LOVE YOU and I disappointed you. Honestly I don't want to mum that word because I don't know what love is and I'm not sure what it is. All I want is to be with you after a long day and just to see you for a second makes my heart happy.. just to hear your voice in my cellphone makes my day... every morning I receive a text message from you make my day happy and pleasant no matter how awful the world around me.. you are my inspiration when I'm having a bad day.. you made it a very colourful for 3 years and six months. That time you ask the question if I love you. I'm not sure if that is love but all I want is to hold your arms and be with me. Tonight I know the answer very well as we sing "THE GIFT" and I'm hoping that you will feel it.. but if its not enough I'm proud to say THANK YOU for teaching me how to love and for showing me this weird feeling. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. " upon seeing my girlfriend eyes overflowing with tears. I told her I don't want to see her crying because of me.. not tonight.. not tonight.. because I will regret this moment because for the first time I saw a woman cry because of me.. in front of me... and my girlfriend reply " I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH" and she gave me the best hug.... .. I told her "this is not a fairy tale, I don't believe in fairy tale but I have this stupid feeling that I am the hero of this love story..." I smiled and we kissed...

My girlfriend and I heard a loud applause, a cheer and a teased.. upon hearing our friends voice we're back into reality that we are not alone..

and this song will be in my heart forever.. this song is playing while I'm showing my love...

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Posted in: personal

Myth Buying

So much life conditioning inhibits the brilliance that is in you. Are you accessing all that is available to you? As a brilliant coach, as a brilliant human-being, as a brilliant spiritual being, as a bright light in the world, you have access to so much abundance. Are you living it? Are you breathing it? Do you believe it in every fibre of your being?

Or are you buying into the myth, the illusions? There are so many things aimed at people to help them build their lives and businesses; as though they are not enough themselves; as though the magic and mystery of existence were there to thwart your success. It's so far from the truth of the abundance available in the universe. It often shocks and surprises me to see this disturbing trend. Whatever the truths are, I'm here to say there is MORE!

Dismantle the illusions of safety, security, structures, that create a prison of expectation, necessity, and image. Get into the risk of playing in the mud, getting dirty, letting go and letting God, magic, Source, energy (whatever belief/name suits you). You had it happening once as a kid. Bring it alive again. Inside, you are yearning for it.

Get excited again about the adventure, this life. Get curious and playful with your day-to-day, with your business, with your home, relationships, and finances. If you resist and prefer safety, security, and rigidity, I'm curious:

• So how's that working for you?
• Where are you still dissatisfied?
• What don't you want to let go of?
• What's it costing you?

These thoughts, while universal, really are inspired by the tragic scarcity demonstrated in the world. Obviously it doesn't affect everyone, but we do see some living in scarcity. This is a boost to those that do need it and a reminder to those of us who get it but are still human in our experience.

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Posted in: F.Y.I.