Setting Free the one you love

"If you love somebody set them free... If they come back.. they are yours.. If not, they never will.."
That quote is one of my favorite piece of advice I'd like to give to a brokenhearted friend or acquaintance . Upon listening to others people problem,  I always came up a piece of advice that makes them smile and realize something better is coming and it is for good.
For six days since September 11,2011 I've been trying to convince myself .. It felt like all I learned and teach to others is gone and I don't believe myself anymore.. My mind tells me to do something right and good but my heart refuse and question myself if it is right...

September 12, 2011 almost 1 a.m. we are still at videoke bar and 1 more hour we need to go back home and only 14 hours left before her flight. I want to make it memorable for her..  I did the best.. I prepared this for month and so far my plan is working smoothly.. I gave my girlfriend a three white heart shaped balloon and an 8 shape pendant , etch with our initials...  I was shaking when I gave my gift and got tongue-tied.. I convince myself it is time and I should tell her.... it hard to say the word.. the words that is running in my mind from the moment I step at the videoke bar that waiting for the right time..  the words that keeps running my mind that makes my heart painful like a million tiny needles that is piercing..  I ask myself to find the last courage I have because time is running fast.. I look in her eyes, upon seeing her eyes I smiled and slowly put the pendant in her necklace and saying " this eight shape pendant means my infinite love for you and by simple saying thank you for everything and teaching me to love.."   I saw her smile and teary eyes, I tried to break the ice and put a little humor " stop crying or else I will nominate you in OSCAR award for best actress."  she laugh at me and said that I am so silly because she can see that I am teary eyes again...my only response is a smile and I look at the people around me... I saw them glued watching us, I dont know if they are enjoying what they see or the guys is enjoying to see me torturing myself, while some of our female friends cried and I told them " hoy mga engot wala kayo sa sinehan.. Ha!ha!ha!"/" Hey you guys are stupid you are not in the movie house... ha!ha!ha!" and they all laugh at some replied just continue what we are doing...
      I need to break the ice because anytime my heart will explode that's why I divert my attention to my usher friends because the next move that I will do is painful... I gave her the 3 heart shaped white balloon and saying..... " this balloon..."  my heart became to heavy and I felt like someone is crushing my heart.. "this 3 heart shaped balloon means my pure love saying how much I love you..."  after saying that my heart beats faster...  "if you let this balloon fly, my love will soar high.."    now I can feel some warm liquid flowing on my face..  " if you set this balloon free, it means setting me free from this stupid feeling and setting you free.. free from your childish boyfriend.. free to worry me... free to do things.. free from everything without a guilty feeling... free from anger because what if I got tempted to someone or you receive a gossip or vice versa."   Upon saying that I made a face palm, fuck what did I say.. crap.. crap..
I look at her and saw her crying.. for the last time I crab the courage  "this balloon means I'm giving your freedom back!" I'm already crying and tried to get out in the room.. walk fast away from her.. I don't want to see her decision... I don't want that balloon to see fly... I'm already outside and my friends followed me.. I don't care to them, all I want is to vanish and go home.. I heard  my girlfriend shouting me at the window

"Hoy Gago ka! Ikaw ang best actor pinaiyak mo kaming lahat oh.. bumalik ka dito oscar best actor" / "Hey you Asshole! You are the best actor, you made us all cry here.. come back here OSCAR best actor."  My friends laugh and so was the others but I just remain standing outside.. the last thing I know is she's standing beside me and smiling.. I saw her untying the balloons and letting all the air near her heart and saying " now I know how much you love me. I will not let this balloon fly but instead I let the air out near my heart and breath it in, the air from your balloon will be the air of my heart to keep moving and to ease the loneliness in Canada while I'm away and this night will be remember."  I smiled but still she's leaving then she said "You can flirt to anyone while I'm away  but when I came back you will be mine and lets hope for the better!" she grab my beer belly, pinch me and pulling my love handle which is hurting me while she lead the ways upstair. I told her to stop because its painful, I mean pulling my love handle while going back to our videoke room.. she just replied " You punishment for being a Drama King of the night Mister Oscar best actor!" we all laugh and we made an agreement  "NO PROMISES! Let the destiny decide!"
somewhat my heart is refusing but smiling...

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Posted in: personal

My Own Sweet Goodbye

I'm stuck at 9/11/11... and I freeze my time and got lazy on my life.... I felt like I'm an android robot.. just moving and doesn't care anymore.. Someone stole my heart.. I just want to stay in my room and do nothing but I need to continue my life..

Three months ago my girlfriend of 3 years gave me a good news that her dream came true and show me her papers. I saw how joyful she is as her dream to work at Canada as a nurse came true. I am happy to her and never entertained the thought that in just 3 months she's leaving. I tried to make it memorable and happy as the day flies.

On September 11, 2011 was the last day we are together because on September 12 she will be flying to Manila and September 16 she will be in Canada.

 I prepared a farewell party her friend and my friend went to videoke bar and sing our heart out loud and try to enjoy..
    I did try to enjoy but my heart starts to break as minute pass bye and became an hour that flies so fast. That night I'm wishing that the time to stop.. "If only I could stop the time."   I tried to fight the sadness that grows in my heart every minute and build a nice defense for myself so that no one could notice.. I gave my best performance to be a great pretender.. Pretending to be happy but my heart is crying...  I don't want to show to anyone.. but my last defense is slowly collapsing as our friends sang a love song...



This Love Story song.. I tried to ignore this song but every lyrics and every melody is deeply sinking in my mind and heart.. My gf friend sang this in our videoke marathon and constantly teasing me.. I tried to ignore and make fun but I end up listening to it.. for me to forget it I sung some happy and dance song but still this song mad a huge impact and my last of defense totally gone and became emotional...
One of my friend tease me "iiyak na yan! iiyak na yan!"/  " he will cry! he will cry!" and everyone in the room start that chant and made me laugh and told them " tanga di ako iiyak!"/ " Stupid, I'm not gonna cry!" and I laughed. Then Chen my jerk friend, ask us to sing our love song and I told them that we didn't have any official love song but I told them that the song "The Gift" would be appropriate for our love theme song.. I told them because "the gift" is the first song we heard when the first time we share our affection and told them we overheard that sung by a drunk passerby.. So whenever I tried to tease my girlfriend I tried to sing the song heavily out of tune and I never failed to make her frown because she constantly telling me I have the best awful voice and never heard me sing "the gift'' in the right tune..lol...  all of us who's in videoke private room laugh... then my girlfriend and I sang "The gift"




before the music start she beg me to sing this right and I told her that I can't sing. My girlfriend thought I had an awful voice and already tease me with all our friend listening saying " walang lalabas! habang kumakanta ang pinakamamahal ko, sabay sabay tayong dudugo ang tenga!"/ "No one will leave while my beloved is singing! together we will have a bleeding ears!" and they all laugh.. I just smile and told them "tonight you will hear an angel sing, because I have the most beautiful voice  from all of you people who's in this room! You will envy my golden voice." I told that very confident.. and what I got, a replied  "in your dreams!".. we all laugh... 


As the song start they all glued listening to us.. I sang "The gift" with all my heart and my girlfriend was so surprise. She cried while I'm singing and I wipe her tears. As we sing the our love song her tears keep falling and we forgot that we are not alone in the videoke room I ask her why she is crying her replied to is that she now understand me 100% and she can feel my sadness and the way I sing is clearly made an etch to her heart saying how much I love her... that moment... I felt the time stop.. just the two of us.. I hug her.. and kiss her..
     I told her remember you asked me if I love you? and I replied your question with an answer of question asking "why all of a sudden you ask that?" and I gave another answer with another question "you think what I'm doing to you is not enough? Is action speaks louder than word? I remember that night clearly and never forget the looks in your eyes. You want me to mum the words I LOVE YOU and I disappointed you. Honestly I don't want to mum that word because I don't know what love is and I'm not sure what it is. All I want is to be with you after a long day and just to see you for a second makes my heart happy.. just to hear your voice in my cellphone makes my day... every morning I receive a text message from you make my day happy and pleasant no matter how awful the world around me.. you are my inspiration when I'm having a bad day.. you made it a very colourful for 3 years and six months. That time you ask the question if I love you. I'm not sure if that is love but all I want is to hold your arms and be with me. Tonight I know the answer very well as we sing "THE GIFT" and I'm hoping that you will feel it.. but if its not enough I'm proud to say THANK YOU for teaching me how to love and for showing me this weird feeling. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. " upon seeing my girlfriend eyes overflowing with tears. I told her I don't want to see her crying because of me.. not tonight.. not tonight.. because I will regret this moment because for the first time I saw a woman cry because of me.. in front of me... and my girlfriend reply " I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH" and she gave me the best hug.... .. I told her "this is not a fairy tale, I don't believe in fairy tale but I have this stupid feeling that I am the hero of this love story..." I smiled and we kissed...

My girlfriend and I heard a loud applause, a cheer and a teased.. upon hearing our friends voice we're back into reality that we are not alone..

and this song will be in my heart forever.. this song is playing while I'm showing my love...

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Posted in: personal

Living in with friends

 Here are a few reasons why you do not want to move in with a friend and some personal experiences from when I lived with my  best friend.

Personal Space and Quiet time:

     When living with friends you will not have any privacy or quiet time, and the closer the friends you are the worse it will be. You may not realize it now but you are not always in the mood to be with your friends sometimes you may want to just sit in your room and relax, and if a friend called you up you could say you were busy but if you live with a friend they will be knocking on the door and bothering you all the time, and good friends will often borrow things of yours without asking you. Where as someone you found via ad will usually leave you alone when your door is closed except for something important.


My old roommate would always go into my room to borrow my things no matter how much I asked him not to, and every time I asked she would get insulted because it was his so it should be ok with me. If your things is broke and asked and why he didn't take care of it that's a major issue of   friendship. Your friend will get mad and insulted because he thinks that you value more of your things than your friendship.

Finances:

The reason why you moved in to an apartment is because you needed help being able to afford your expenses, and someone you don’t know will usually be more responsible with making sure they have the money to bay their half of the bills then a friend will, a friend will ask you to help them out when they are short on cash.

One of my friends would always spend his rent or bill money in buying online card for his MMORPG character, spending to much on internet cafe, loading his globe internet broadband stick , gambling  such as tong-it  or poker. I like to play some poker  just as much as anyone else but I always made sure to not gamble with my rent money . If I was short on money I would not gamble but rather play for fun, but I would never allow myself to not have the money to pay my share of the bills.  I played online games but I have my limitation. If you tell them , they will make you feel bad, some will replied "it's their money" or " when I borrow money I'm paying it, right?" and instead of losing your patience , just go to your room or get out...


Cleaning of the Shared Spaces:

In the past roommates I had found in the news paper always made sure that any space we shared like the kitchen or living room was kept clean. If you cooked something any mess was cleaned from the counter and pots, pans and plates would be put in the sink and were taken care of after as soon as possible  and never leave not until you clean so that you will not invite any insect, but friends may take advantage of the slack you will give to a friend, because they know you would be ok with it.
 One of my friend will leave his dishes in the sink and when you complain they will tell you "Dont be OC's!"  Wow, now I'm OC but when I went on a vacation in our Province for 3 days, the plate, the glass and pans are all in the sink .. annoying


Power Consumption:

Unless your roommate has lots of money and lets face it if they had cash they would not need a roommate, then they will be looking to save money and not want to waste money on electricity, and once you agree on things like using the dryer or electric fan two roommates who meet online or from an add sign  will usually respect the rules better then two friends will. Friends will usually bend the rules, like leaving the computer on all day or running the electric fan, leaving television ON  all night or worse the iron.

My friends used to leave their electric fan on all day long and would often leave their rooms and even the apartment without turning them off, and instead of being more responsible for their actions they would make up excuses like "oops I forgot" and will just say sorry but still they are doing that habit.




      So before I totally ruined our friendship and get annoyed so much,  I decided to move to my auntie's house and I just gave my friends a reason that it is better because I can save more from rent and fare . They understand me because they know my story and how I send half of my salary to my mom at our province to help her.  A good excuses right?

These are just some of the many reasons you should avoid living with friends, especially if you want to keep them as friends. It is one thing if a friend needs a place to stay for a week or two but never ever let them move in.
 

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Posted in: F.Y.I.,personal

Jaiden Crazy World

 Jaiden's Crazy world

     I gave up my other site JCW for some reason I felt like something is wrong with the site. Without explanation I just disable it one day and already contented on my tym2laff site.. then the other day I decided to open it again and fix every code to look better.. I tried to occupy my mind in able to forget the tragic life of my friend who hangs herself. Well its work and I forgot that problem and I enjoy trying to unlock and  put every html code in the right place... and makes me proud of the result. Now... Jaiden's world is up.. all about my random thought about worlds around me and latest opinion on various hot issues and also my personal life while  tym2laff will stay as informative and funny as ever....

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Posted in: personal

Failure of a friend

Are you afraid of failing in life?

The word Failure is not on my vocabulary of life.. I hate failing that why I always plan and think whatever action I will make. I don't want to be failure, I've seen a lot of failure, I've surrounded with that word. I've seen people falling.. As much as possible I avoid that..


What I learn from people around me that fails, I love helping them and giving them advice, but in reality I'm scared and hoping that it will not happen to me. at first it seems hopeless case but the next thing you know they are much better person and stronger than before and they learn from their mistake.

As of now I feel devastated because I failed helping someones life. A battered wife who fight for her right for 3 years and lost in a court case. I saw how she's been humiliated in court... to make the story short. the truth bend by lies.. she lost the case and we convinced her that the fight is not over and we can bring it to the higher court. Gabriela (woman's group that fight the right of a woman) and the Department of social worker will help her, DSWD(department of social worker and development) to bring her life back to normal , provide some doctor and psychiatrist.. I gave her advice and we help her... but in the end.. She Hang herself in the front door of her ex- live-in partner who abuse her, drug her, battered her, killed her 2nd baby in her womb.
   I'm thinking what went wrong and asking did we failed to save her sanity? Why did she deal so much of that asshole guy.. Why did she embrace that life's failure and didn't fight? so much why for me ...a failure from life tragedy..she failed finding a true love, she failed to have a good husband, she failed to have a strong faith and much of failing.. 
I got shock when I heard the news from her grandmother... I asked Grandma Pearl " why did she do it? " I know to myself it is the stupid question because I know her granddaughter story, that word mum to my mouth without thinking much.. She just replied "I have no idea." I look at her and crying while she's saying " Myra's last word to me, that her goal is to give conscience to that bastard and my only response they have no conscience." the old lady is crying and hand me the suicide letter.. I read the letter but I can't understand it because of mix emotion.. mad at her, pity on her, mercy on her.. and lot more... and the only word that trigger my brain and embedded in my heart when I saw that we are special mention in her suicide note "La, pakisabi kay kuya J at ate lydz salamat, pagod na kasi ako." (Grandma, tell to big brother Jay and sister lydz Thank you, I'm already tired.) She called me kuya as a respect.

       I treated her as my friend and she made me stronger on how to deal life... Trying to inject a humor on the situation to ease the pain of the old lady but I can't... or still I have this funny guy inside me and didn't give up cheering the old lady by saying to grandma "la pakisabi sa apo mo wag akong multuhin naging mabuting kaibigan naman ako sa kanya, multuhin nalang nya yung walangya nyang EX! Duwagis ako sa multo eh!" "Grandma tell to your granddaughter that don't haunt her ghost on me, I've become a good friend to her. Just haunt her Bastard EX! I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to ghost!" then I saw lola pearl smile at me...

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Posted in: personal

Why do People blog

      Most of the people write blogs to express themselves. They are sure that on their blog they will get what they want printed. If they write articles or columns for newspapers they may or may not get printed. Writing a blog gives the power to each of us to get printed immediately.

     I personally write my blog to express myself freely, to share something awesome  and feel good to see that what I wrote got printed immediately without boundaries or no editor that will dictate you what to write. You are the boss of your own blog.
    Blogging is fun as long as you enjoy what you are doing. If your blog represent yourself then you will enjoy.
My blog represent myself, worlds around me and anything I want to write because in this blog I have freedom. In general my blog want to show to everyone or to my reader that our world is fascinating, no matter how ugly is the situation we can find something good about it.
      In my real life trying to inject a humor in some case of abusive father, battered wife, children's cases, rape are sensitive and you need to considered what the victim feeling if the joke is appropriate and not offensive for them to feel good. I'm surrounded with negative issues and I'll be insane if I don't put a lighter side of life.Where in blog you can share stories no limits.In blog I burst all of what I felt of my adventure and misadventure...  As I said no boundaries, no limitation  but take responsibilities on what you write.
   Blogging is my anti-stress. It makes me forget my problems and refresh my mind in able to resolve it. Blogs give us the opportunity of writing what we want and get it printed on web.
   So ask yourself why you blog and whats the purpose of what you are doing?

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Posted in: blog,F.Y.I.,personal

Its time to Change: The Egg

 There is nothing more certain in the world and in this life than CHANGE. No matter what people might think or what they might try to believe, everything is changing all the time, as we breathe in and out, as we eat and sleep and grow and go through our own spirals of unfoldment.

So here is a simple metaphor for change. It is called "The Egg" and I hope you enjoy it as much as reading my last post about cooking a perfect sunny side up egg.
I often have this feeling of stress and desperation because I am quite convinced nothing has changed.

I look around myself and all I see is what I always see.

Same house, same furniture, same pile of bills, same everything.

I work so hard and NOTHING is changing.

I thought that again about something the other day, and this large, beautiful golden egg came to my mind.

There it is, and it just sits there in its nest of straw.

It doesn't DO anything.

It doesn't change shape, it doesn't change colour.

It doesn't pulsate. It doesn't roll around.

You could look at it for DAYS AND DAYS and you'd come away thinking that it was just that and there was NOTHING GOING ON.

And yet, and if one was to extend one's feelers in a different way, one might become aware of the RIOT OF CHANGE that is taking place INSIDE the egg, a storm of re-organisation, feeding and growth, of total unfoldment as a bunch of random cells become a fish thing, which in turn becomes ever more defined and more complex, more organised in every way, more mature, more fantastic with every heartbeat, every breath that passes.

One day, and we know not when, the egg that lay so motionless for so very long and seemed to be nothing but an inert shape will begin to rock, and then it will crack, and the newly born dragon will emerge, spread its wings for the first time and take its first small steps.

Yes, there was change.

Even if we thought there wasn't.

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Posted in: egg,food and health,personal,self-improvement

Adsense Trouble

    I've been trying to apply for adsense for my Jaidens Crazy World  blog for 7 days now and been rejected for the same reason : Page type.... I've read all the their policy and the terms and condition,. All of the content of my new blog is original .. and I made some research what I've read  if you are living  in  Asian country, your blog must be 6 months old and keep posting original and useful site.. but when I check my code of my template because my page said its a type of web squatting and found some hidden code about some site and promoting ads, I erased that code and decided to erase that code and use some templates offered by blogger just to make sure.. after 24 hours now I have a mail that saying I must allow the robot.txt in able to be confirmed.. what robot? I didn't to anything about code preventing there web spider nor a robot from adsense to check my site... they are recommending me to check in lynux.tx and totally clueless what is that! 

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Posted in: personal

A new payment system

Virtapay is the latest fad today because they offer a free virtual money for a new member and just by logging in everyday you will get a free virta dollar to spend from the virta merchant. Because of the potential of this virtual payment many of scammer and hacker are all eyes on this.
 Virtapay  is still in trial period or beta test. A lot of member gone crazy for this and so was the scammer. 

Some flaws  on beta test since launch. 
1. There's No  live support  or no way to contact any help when you have complaint . Since there is no way to contact a support the scammer saw an opportunity to lurk an innocent victim. I myself got scammed or I felt that someone cheat me.  I tried to buy the one that offer the paypal exchange but just a waste of virta dollar $ 900 in exchange for paypal, but I can say it is a total scam. After my purchase the seller gave me a link for the product in sharecash.org  but to my dismay when I'm about to download you need to fill up the survey where you must give your cell number .. I did what it required and even recieve a pin number which they sent to my mobile number but after all the hassle and putting the pin in the website, they declaring that my mobile number is a fake which is not , but instead I am required to sign up and purchase a product. It is annoying they are requiring me to purchase a product just to download a paypal coupon which I bought from the seller of virtapay.  I rather not , since Im not sure if the paypal coupon is working. I want a refund..  
 
2. I hope they also monitor the product that the user post most of the item that post in the buy section is just refferal link or porn link.
3. When you report a flag or click the flag tag , you will be back to the very first page of the buy section and I find it annoying when you are already in page 8 or higher, for me its time consuming since  I need to browse again from the very beginning of the page. I hope they put a tab for every pages of buy or put a section or categorize all the product.

This is for today and if you want to add something post it in a comment section. For now be aware of the seller. I'm going to check this new payment system if this is worth a try... Give it a try aswell

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Posted in: free money,payment system,personal,virtapay