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September 24, 2011

My Own Sweet Goodbye

I'm stuck at 9/11/11... and I freeze my time and got lazy on my life.... I felt like I'm an android robot.. just moving and doesn't care anymore.. Someone stole my heart.. I just want to stay in my room and do nothing but I need to continue my life..




Three months ago my girlfriend of 3 years gave me a good news that her dream came true and show me her papers. I saw how joyful she is as her dream to work at Canada as a nurse came true. I am happy to her and never entertained the thought that in just 3 months she's leaving. I tried to make it memorable and happy as the day flies.

On September 11, 2011 was the last day we are together because on September 12 she will be flying to Manila and September 16 she will be in Canada.

 I prepared a farewell party her friend and my friend went to videoke bar and sing our heart out loud and try to enjoy..
    I did try to enjoy but my heart starts to break as minute pass bye and became an hour that flies so fast. That night I'm wishing that the time to stop.. "If only I could stop the time."   I tried to fight the sadness that grows in my heart every minute and build a nice defense for myself so that no one could notice.. I gave my best performance to be a great pretender.. Pretending to be happy but my heart is crying...  I don't want to show to anyone.. but my last defense is slowly collapsing as our friends sang a love song...



This Love Story song.. I tried to ignore this song but every lyrics and every melody is deeply sinking in my mind and heart.. My gf friend sang this in our videoke marathon and constantly teasing me.. I tried to ignore and make fun but I end up listening to it.. for me to forget it I sung some happy and dance song but still this song mad a huge impact and my last of defense totally gone and became emotional...
One of my friend tease me "iiyak na yan! iiyak na yan!"/  " he will cry! he will cry!" and everyone in the room start that chant and made me laugh and told them " tanga di ako iiyak!"/ " Stupid, I'm not gonna cry!" and I laughed. Then Chen my jerk friend, ask us to sing our love song and I told them that we didn't have any official love song but I told them that the song "The Gift" would be appropriate for our love theme song.. I told them because "the gift" is the first song we heard when the first time we share our affection and told them we overheard that sung by a drunk passerby.. So whenever I tried to tease my girlfriend I tried to sing the song heavily out of tune and I never failed to make her frown because she constantly telling me I have the best awful voice and never heard me sing "the gift'' in the right tune..lol...  all of us who's in videoke private room laugh... then my girlfriend and I sang "The gift"




before the music start she beg me to sing this right and I told her that I can't sing. My girlfriend thought I had an awful voice and already tease me with all our friend listening saying " walang lalabas! habang kumakanta ang pinakamamahal ko, sabay sabay tayong dudugo ang tenga!"/ "No one will leave while my beloved is singing! together we will have a bleeding ears!" and they all laugh.. I just smile and told them "tonight you will hear an angel sing, because I have the most beautiful voice  from all of you people who's in this room! You will envy my golden voice." I told that very confident.. and what I got, a replied  "in your dreams!".. we all laugh... 


As the song start they all glued listening to us.. I sang "The gift" with all my heart and my girlfriend was so surprise. She cried while I'm singing and I wipe her tears. As we sing the our love song her tears keep falling and we forgot that we are not alone in the videoke room I ask her why she is crying her replied to is that she now understand me 100% and she can feel my sadness and the way I sing is clearly made an etch to her heart saying how much I love her... that moment... I felt the time stop.. just the two of us.. I hug her.. and kiss her..
     I told her remember you asked me if I love you? and I replied your question with an answer of question asking "why all of a sudden you ask that?" and I gave another answer with another question "you think what I'm doing to you is not enough? Is action speaks louder than word? I remember that night clearly and never forget the looks in your eyes. You want me to mum the words I LOVE YOU and I disappointed you. Honestly I don't want to mum that word because I don't know what love is and I'm not sure what it is. All I want is to be with you after a long day and just to see you for a second makes my heart happy.. just to hear your voice in my cellphone makes my day... every morning I receive a text message from you make my day happy and pleasant no matter how awful the world around me.. you are my inspiration when I'm having a bad day.. you made it a very colourful for 3 years and six months. That time you ask the question if I love you. I'm not sure if that is love but all I want is to hold your arms and be with me. Tonight I know the answer very well as we sing "THE GIFT" and I'm hoping that you will feel it.. but if its not enough I'm proud to say THANK YOU for teaching me how to love and for showing me this weird feeling. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. " upon seeing my girlfriend eyes overflowing with tears. I told her I don't want to see her crying because of me.. not tonight.. not tonight.. because I will regret this moment because for the first time I saw a woman cry because of me.. in front of me... and my girlfriend reply " I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH" and she gave me the best hug.... .. I told her "this is not a fairy tale, I don't believe in fairy tale but I have this stupid feeling that I am the hero of this love story..." I smiled and we kissed...

My girlfriend and I heard a loud applause, a cheer and a teased.. upon hearing our friends voice we're back into reality that we are not alone..

and this song will be in my heart forever.. this song is playing while I'm showing my love...

1 comments:

unikorna said...

Oh Jade I am so sorry you are going through such difficult times. Allow me to tell you something that I think suits very well your situation.."if u love smb set them free, if they come back they are yours, if they don't they never were.".

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