My Funny list of Breaking Up

      Breaking up is hard to do when you don't want to hurt someones feelings.. Well during my teen years I came up with the most bizarre on getting my freedom from my relationship... I must say my girlfriend in my teen years was broke up with me because of my fault... errr I mean I carefully planed everything... so that I will not feel  bad about it and don't want to see them cry for me or miserable because of me....
     Isn't weird? Don't want to hurt someone's feeling... well it's true I'm a good boy. I stick to one girl while in a relationship. I showed a good side of me and always promise that I will not hurt a girl and always tell to them I will not the one who will break up with them and will never do anything to break their heart..Everything is always smooth in my relationship... No argument, no nagging, I cooked and take care with my flavor of the months, I treat her as my queen, no dull moment, always have a humor, in short every woman's dream of having a perfect boyfriend I fulfilled them. I showed the real me without pretension, a caring person... When I started to ask "Aren't you bored with me?" it means that I'm starting to get bored with the girl and the next 3 days I will ask more question and carefully planning how to get out on that relationship.
     This are the most weird break up that only a sick mind can think... HAHAHA


1. Pretend to be sick :  I came up this idea because my girlfriend of the moth love to pamper always and she's my baby.. so in able to act real sick and I have serious illness I level up my acting.. Tray fainting in the middle of a restaurant where you work while serving a dinner from your customer. The next thing you will know all of the staff is hysterically worried to you, keep pretending and don't smile or else all of the meal and soup that you wasted will be charge on you... and the news will spread until your girlfriend heard that news.. This will showed how your lover cares for you...at first she will care and repeat it again... my next move act again like you are exhausted and faint again.. this time in the kitchen area but watch from the stainless tray... well it's a hell of believable acting, a tray fall from my head and got me wounded and this time its really hurt but I kept my eyes close and pretending that you are unconscious. This time every crew will freak out and you will be rush to the hospital but before you arrived to the hospital act you are in conscious and tell them you are okay on a very weak voice and if they insist that you are not okay... hysterical shout and said you are okay and you need to rest and you don't have a money to pay to the hospital, and ask them to pay if they want, well its effective since most of my co-worker didn't bring money because they got panic when they saw my head bleeding and it is 2nd time around I fainted and saw me weakening..   Now when your supervisor ask you need check up, proceed and show the result of x-ray and some result of paper test of your heart and since they are not doctor came up with a brilliant story of sickness congenital heart defect and blah blah blah all about those scientific term of sickness and how you get it.... trust me on this it will work they don't know how to read those result from your examination and they will not bother to visit the doctor since they are afraid of the fees... Don't tell this to your girlfriend but sooner she will know your secret that you are sick.... then resign from your work to make it more believable and let your girlfriend take care for you and really pretend, In just 1 week your girlfriend will get cold to you and in the end she will break up with you... but before you do this act make sure you have work waiting for you in 1 month and resign on your work as a crappy service crew in a fast food.




2. Be happy and Gay :  Ask and bribe your friend that pose and act that you are kissing  then photoshop it and send it to her email using anonymous email.. well she will have a doubt at first if its real or not... next a camera..in the right angle a camera trick that  will deceive the  eyes that looks that two men are kissing and the other guy get mad and throw the camera but still playing and hearing some nasty sound that only gay couple would do but make sure you are good at editing a video.. then send the video to her email anonymously, the next thing you know she will break up with you faster than you thought and act you are clueless and ask why..... You and your friends will laugh  on this....

3. Act mentally sick : This one is easy for me because I just ask my girlfriend  to go with me constantly on my  psychiatrist and she will get curious why you constantly checking  psychiatrist. and she will jump into conclusion that you are mentally sick..  It is common mind set of filipino that if you are constantly checking or been seeing a psychiatrist they will think you're a psycho.. sooner or later your girlfriend will break up with you and when you ask why she will replied to you  "It's not about you, you are okay! blah...blah .. blah!"



4. Get her to break up with you:  Stop showering and brushing your teeth for 2 weeks and kiss her and always pampered her, hug her and act you are a druggie.. sooner or later she will loose her love on you and introduce her to attractive, single acquaintances that share her the same interest without her knowing that its your plan. Ask your friend to take care of her since you are not the perfect man for her.




5. Give her a doubt that you are related: This one is easy for me since its kind true but so far weird. My girlfriend middle name is the same as my real father last name, a father that I didn't seen.. So I came up with the story and with a little info in my hand I even had conversation with her mom whic I made up some story of my dad is from Bulacan which is my girlfriends mother is from Bulacan and the rest her mom tells the story and the next thing you know she will break up with you thinking that maybe you are related to each other... pretend that you are not and its okay what if you are just 4th cousin or 5th..

6. Emotional Black Mail :  I came up with this idea because early 2000's the F4 fever is the latest rad and I have the hairstyle of Jerry Yan even before they got famous in the Philippines. I got tired or maybe bored or challenged on how to break up to a perfect girl or jealous.. or because of insecurities because I have nothing to offer to her compared to the other guy who's courting her because they have beautiful car...well that's the signal to laid my plan.. I asked her why they keep courting her if she already turn them down...or is it? I told her that she is just taking me for granted and made some major drama about my life and my so called insecurities, I told her that all I showed to her is good and I made her happy all the time and ask if I did something wrong... this is my some of script I memorize; " I get tired of being taken for granted, I always understand you and how about me?" and we have a heart to heart talk until her mistake she gave me a hint to proceed my plan.. she ask how she will prove that she's not taking me for granted.. then  I told her to sing and memorize this song Xiang Yao Ai Ni by Jerry Yan and even tell her the the meaning of the song.. I told her to sing it for me in right diction and not looking in any copy.. just memorize it and she said WTF.. my replied " see you are taking me for granted , for you it just some song but for me its meaningful and show my interest and you will respect that and not giving me that WTF!"  "If your really love a person you will do anything just to make him happy, that song will make me happy when you sing it with your heart. It is a simple song, a song that you can get the lyrics and memorize it in a little time" I told her that in a sad tone and very serious .. " to be fair I will give you 1 week." I told her that.. and she did it and she cant memorize it with the diction and the lyrics which is really hard for her.. but she proves she will do it... and she kept playing the song non-stop and sing along with it but most of the time she forgot the lyrics because she is busy getting the right intonation and diction of the song, but she got inspired when I sing with her , yep I sing -along with the song to prove I knew the song... 


She gave up singing the song because she can't memorize and get the right diction. I told her it's okay but I used her emotion, guilt and made her realized if she really loves me .. I asked her how'd you know it is love not some inspiration, aspiration or crush....Do you know what love is and what made you think that you really love me and after 10 days she asked for some cool off.. I asked her why and her replied something is wrong with her and she will search for the answer.......

I completely forgot the lyrics of this song... I just used this song as one of my stupid excuses because some girls hearts F4 and it gave me an idea... LOL..



Crazy .... A challenge for me without hurting them, breaking up without the guilt but instead giving them the guilt. Some of them are my experiement on what women wants and porve to myself that men is not dumb when it comes to relationship.. or is it? My Psychiatrist told me  I have very high expectation on Love because when it comes to my family I gave more and not expecting in return from them but my subconcious is asking for it and without knowing .. and as soon as my expectation didn't met the requirement I got bored.. and dig deeper on my current fling and searching and measuring the love she can give to me and my defense mechanism is to read the womans action and not hurting them, as for that still convincing myself of not shredding my good boy image....
    I ask myself If am sick, bored or well documented.. a result of too much reading and became a crazy teen......DON'T JUDGE ME! I'M NOT A BOOK.. lol... just kidding

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Posted in: F.Y.I.,F.Y.I. dating,relationship tip

Fake FAct

I saw this fake fact which is funny... enjoy...

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Posted in: FunTyms

Glow in the Dark Dog

          Researchers at Seoul National University have announced the creation of a genetically modified, glow-in-the-dark dog. The female beagle, named Tegon, glows fluorescent under ultraviolet light.  What is particularly interesting about Tegon is that the glowing ability is capable of being turned on and off. The drug doxycycline can activate or deactivate the ability to glow. Led by Lee Byeong-chun, the researchers used the same somatic cell nuclear transfer technique to make Tegon glow that was used in 2005 to make the world’s first cloned dog, Snuppy.

 sources: for more info (Reuters)

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Posted in: cute dog,experiment,glow in the dark dog,pet,pets,science and nature

Cooking Psychology

     My psychiatrist friend call us and asked if we can be his guinea pig in his experiment , he wants to study all of his friend while cooking a perfect sunny side up egg and whoever win will have a prize and he even said that he will analyze all four of us to aware of our weakness and strength.. and we all agree... 
    The rules are simple (that what we believed) for us to win a vip concert ticket..
1. 30 minutes for each of us to cook a perfect sunny side-up egg
2. only 24 egg will  be use for every participant
3. no bubbles on the sunny side-up, clean area, good shape, the yellow must be in the center
4 Not overcooked or raw

Making the perfect sunny side up egg is all about patience and perseverance.  I tried to get it right and most of us did.. While cooking and getting the perfect one we realized is not that easy. Laying the egg carefully in egg-shaper in able not to have bubbles is not an easy task or putting the yolk in center is way too hard and we realized that the 30 minutes time is too short and the 24 pieces of eggs is not enough as well. If your out of egg its over for you and you nee to choose the best sunny side-up you cooked.

While my friends cooking I studied every of their mistake and try to get it right. so I turn on the stove about a medium high and when I'm sure its hot enough I lowered the heat before I put the eggshaper in the frying pan and put a little oil and leave it again for 5 minutes. Putting the egg in  eggshaper need a lot of hard work because I wasted 18 pieces of egg in able to get my almost perfect fried egg, I applied all of the techniques I know from using a knife, peeling the sharpest tip of the egg to carefully laying it on the pan and constantly checking the heat...  I got 3 sunny-side up but the first one has smudges, the 2nd has 5 bubbles but the yellow yolk is at center, the 3rd is the yolk almost at center, no bubbles but not in perfect shape. until my time is over and even request for extension and my friends said RULES ARE RULES!..

eventually no one of us won.  

What I realize in the simple task... you must love what you are doing, do not hurry, enjoy what you are doing, don't get stress, don't make it complicated, patience is virtue,

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Posted in: F.Y.I.,food

Time Travel beggar

        A beggar in Shanghai subway has been attracting attention in China claiming to have come from 500 years in the past. The woman that wears a beautiful costume that looks like been inspired in some MMORPG computer games sitting in the subway system of Shanghai with a huge note proclaiming that  she had been a victim of a time slip and actually came from 500 years ago and begs for money from passers-by in order to fund her return in which the year where she lives. She even promise to repay  the donations when she return to the past...  The biggest question is how..

     Some observer even saw her smartphone.. hmmmmm .. so there is smartphone 500 years ago.... She gain a lot of attention and a donations because she is very attractive, cute on her cosplay dress and definitely a new kind of style for beggar.

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Posted in: China,cosplayer,F.Y.I.,funny,weird

5 Scariest Spider

It gives me a creepy feeling while I'm doing this list. I admit that I am arachnaphobic, Just by looking at them and reading all their data makes my hair raised. I'm trying to conquer this fear for a long time but still cant....

Here's the list of 5 creepy spider

5. The Giant Huntsman Spider

 It is considered the World's largest spider in terms of leg span. Its leg span can reach over 1 foot . The Giant Huntsman spider was discovered in northern part of Laos in 2001. Expert believe that it is a cave dwelling spider because of its pale color.

sources: wikipedia

4. Goliath Bird-eater spider

The scariest spider for me.. Its is the 2nd world's biggest spider but when it comes to mass it is definitely the first. It was named the Goliath Bird-eater Spider is because explorers in the 19th century witnessed it eat a hummingbird. Mostly can be found in the rainforest region of northern South America. Wild Goliath bird-eaters are a deep-burrowing species, found commonly in marshy or swampy areas. The female goliath birdeatere  always mate, but sometimes may end up eating  their mates.

Sources : wikipedia

3. The Brazilian Wandering Spider

     The Brazilian wandering spider is also known as armed spiders or banana spiders . Known as one of the most toxic spider. It is called the Brazilian Wandering Spider because it wanders the jungle floor at night, instead of staying in a web. During the day, the spider can be found in termite mounds, fallen logs and in banana plants. It will also hide in dark and moist places in or near where humans live.

 source: wikipedia

 2. Australian Funnel-web Spider

Australian funnel-web spider are one of the three most dangerous spiders in the world and are regarded by some to be the most dangerous. These spiders are medium-to-large in size, with body lengths ranging from 1 cm to 5 cm (0.4" to 2"). They are darkly coloured, ranging from black to blue-black to plum to brown, with a glossy, hairless carapace covering the front part of the body.




sources: wikipedia

 1. The Black Widow Spider

Also name as Latrodectus. The most venomous spider of genus species. The female black widow's bite is particularly harmful to humans because of its unusually large venom glands; however, Latrodectus bites rarely kill human beings.

sources: wikipedia

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Posted in: assasin spider,scariest spider,science and nature,venomus spider

Woman's Body Language

Body language is a discipline about non-verbal behavior, one of the most powerful, private and quite language because it helps you understand emotions and feelings of people around you. 

Body language is one of the most important languages to learn because after you know how to interpret the behavior of others you will know what they really think. 

Reading and interpreting body language is an art and science. She makes every action with a purpose and it expresses something. Therefore, it is very important to discover reading body language, signals, smiles, gestures. 

Maybe you have a friend, a girl one, and you want to know if she is interested in you, or it is a girl that you like and you do not know how to approach her, or just you meet her in a club and she looks interested in you, learn to read her body language to know her feelings. You can see exactly what a woman thinks by reading her body language, pay attention to the signs, read them and use them to your advantage. 

Women's body language is very subtle so you should know to read it. Let us say that she is a girl that you really like and you meet her at a party. Watch her closely as soon as you get a sign that she is interested in you too, to make sure that you catch her with your charm. 

You can find out her thoughts and feelings by reading the signs: 

* watch her head toss, if she throw her hair over 
her shoulders and show off her neck, it means 
that she want to attract attention 

* if she pushes her fingers throw her hair means 
that she really love to be conquered 

* she looks into your eyes with deep interest means that she wants to meet you better 

* while talking to you, she blinks more than 
usual, fluttering her eyelashes 

* if she get nervous while you are looking at her means that she is a little shy, but she has 
interest in you 

* her skin tone becomes red while being around you 

* big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing 
with a relaxed face 

* she bumps into you and touches you accidentally means that she wanted to be sure that you sow her 

* she is dressed very sexy , to show her nipples
underneath and she is fixing her outfit to make 
herself look better, means that she is friendly 
and free 

* also, the most appealing position for men is a 
woman sitting with one leg pressed against the 
other, placing one hand on her thigh, it's surely 
a clear call for attention 

* if her pupils dilated when she is looking at 
you means that she likes you 

* she shows her shoulders, legs or feet means that she is comfortable with the surroundings and 
with you 

* raises eyebrows while talking is a sign of 
attraction 

* when you talk with her if she is looking at 
your mouth while talking and smiles at every 
slick thing you try to say, you definitely caught 
her 

* if she bites her lips often means that she is 
nervous and you better stop staring at her 

* also, if she sits with her arms crossed 
together she is very angry and she don't want to 
have nothing with you at the moment 

* if she touches the edge of the glass with her 
fingers, is an sexual sign, it is a sign of 
intrinsic calmness, self control and waiting to 
sit by her 

* another sign that she is interested in you is 
if she plays with her jewelries while you are 
passing over her, especially with stoking and 
pulling motions 

If the girl you like gives you this signs that 
she is interested in you too, do not lose time 
and make the first step to catch her. Learn to 
hold eye contact longer than her, show her that 
you are not afraid and do not look away until she 
does. Use a confident voice tone - this turns 
women on. 

Also, knowing reading body language can help you 
detect if a person is lying you: 

- if she is not looking in your eyes directly 
while speaking 

- is nervous and uncomfortable being with you 

- she is saying different stories on different 
frames 

- is extremely defensiveness 

As you see, it is very important to know to read the women's body language, even if you want to attract one, even if you have already a girlfriend to know which her feelings for you are.  

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Posted in: F.Y.I. dating

Humour: Chihuahua

A woman walks into a bar with her 5-pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this
guy, whom she notices is looking a little bit queasy.
A few minutes go bye.....
the guy looks at her and suddenly throws up.
He looks down
and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I
don't remember eating that!"

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Posted in: humor

17 years old Teen killed his mother and engage necrophilia

     A 17-year-old boy has been arrested after allegedly strangling his mother to death and having sex with her corpse whilst an acquaintance looked on.
     The boy, a resident of the state of Tennessee in the US, is charged with first-degree murder, felony murder and corpse abuse over the slaying of his mother, amidst legal wrangling over whether he should be charged as a juvenile (which would mean release at 19) or an adult (which could result in a life sentence).
For reasons not divulged, he strangled his 36-year-old mother to death, and then proceeded to have sex with her corpse, afterward dumping the body in trash can and leaving it there for several days until it was apparently discovered by the lady’s partner.
     Also charged was a 36-year-old acquaintance of the boy,a black man, who is said to have watched as he killed his mother whilst doing nothing to prevent it and not reporting the case, and even suggesting the boy hide the corpse in the trash can. He also faces charges of murder and necrophilia.
Police are unhappy about releasing further details until the autopsy is completed.

For image of the boy and the blackman  click Heaven.

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Posted in: Hot Issue,necrophilia

Bullet train Accident in China

         A major accident on China’s much trumpeted new high speed rail system has prompted the inevitable “China quality” denunciations online.

  The train derailed crossing a bridge, with two carriages falling off the bridge into the river below. Rail authorities claim a “lightning strike” was responsible, causing a train to lose power on the bridge, only to be smashed into by another train approaching from behind. Each of the carriage of bullet train had the capacity of 100, Initial reports indicate at least 11 fatalities and 89 were injured.

 

      China has been accused of flagrantly pirating Japan’s Shinkansen, even had plans to sell their own  copies of bullet train overseas, and the father of its high speed rail program has been arrested for massive corruption – all facts which have resulted in massive schadenfreude in Japan, although there is some disappointment that no explosions were involved:

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Posted in: bullet train,China,F.Y.I.,Hot Issue,technology

Humour: The bartender and the Hot chick

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy
seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"
He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't
know if you’re the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."
Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem,
miss."
She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he
begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!"
She goes, "Can you tell the manager something for me?"
The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

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Posted in: barternder,humor

Humour: The Alligator trick

A little tired today for rescuing street children, and some case of babies being sold by the teen mother and gave me a lot of stress.. Need to relax a bit and.. just want to post a quick humour and hope you guys enjoy..


A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says
"Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, let’s see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it
in the gator’s mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head
with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick
without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

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Posted in: humor

Humour: Guess what's the Dinner

Bit busy today and just want to post something that make my reader smile....another humor for today: enjoy and have a nice day!


A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but
will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their
dad for the clue.
Well, he said, “It's what mommy calls me sometimes.”
The little girl screams to her brother
“Don't eat it, it's an asshole.”

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor,hunter

Humour: Encounter with Attorney

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

20 list of DONT's to avoid Bad Dates

I'm not talking about the days and dates in calendar, errr I mean DATE, to know your future lover. A tip for a man to have a good impression that will last to your gorgeous date.
This are the list of  things and action you should avoid in able to have a good impressions on your date.

Top 20 list of DONT's to  Avoid bad dates!

1.  Picky Eater :   Don't be a picky eater to the point that you are counting every calories on every foods in menu list .
2. shiny black pointed shoes:  Please never wear this or you will be a laughing stock behind your back. It's not an excuse if you are a dance instructor. don't wear dangerous weapon.. :p
3. Doesn't dance: Oh really since when did the men doesn't dance?
4. Constantly checking phone: Oh crap this happen all the time.. turn that off and you are insulting your date.
5. had bad breath: ask yourself if you love bad breath..
6. a bad kisser: Your idea of a kiss is a smack?? even the girl give you the right to kiss her? nuff said....
7. wore a  goofy outfit: You are not a clown right?
8. too drunk: It just shows that your not into her and liquor is more important than her or you became too drunk because you are asking too much courage for the spirits of liquor. well dude you failed!
9. Check other girls out: its an insult.. like saying my date is ugly.
10. sport fanatic : its a rare case of a girls love sports not unless she admire a hunky athlete..
11. was late: Always be on time, girls are impatience
12. cheapskate: Don't be too obvious .. My trick is when the girl ordered too expensive food on the list, I will tell them the calorie of that and suggest much healthy food.
13. heavy smoker: you are not a volcano right? Girls doesn't want 2nd hand smoke
14. texted like a girl : this action will really pissed your date..
15. chapped lips: No explanation.. try to figure it out.... If you do you might raised confusion on you date..: P
16. doesn't drink : Are you a saint? You will give your date an impression that your are a great pretender
    
17. limp handshake : you are a gay if you do this.... lol
    
18. talk about himself  a lot: wow a sign of boastful
    
19. interrupted you: let he finish what she's saying
    
20. overly nervous: Just relax and be yourself!

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Posted in: date,relationship tip

Humour: The Mother and the blind boy

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother.
The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will
come true!"
Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep.
The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish
didn't come true!" and mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

Adsense Trouble

    I've been trying to apply for adsense for my Jaidens Crazy World  blog for 7 days now and been rejected for the same reason : Page type.... I've read all the their policy and the terms and condition,. All of the content of my new blog is original .. and I made some research what I've read  if you are living  in  Asian country, your blog must be 6 months old and keep posting original and useful site.. but when I check my code of my template because my page said its a type of web squatting and found some hidden code about some site and promoting ads, I erased that code and decided to erase that code and use some templates offered by blogger just to make sure.. after 24 hours now I have a mail that saying I must allow the robot.txt in able to be confirmed.. what robot? I didn't to anything about code preventing there web spider nor a robot from adsense to check my site... they are recommending me to check in lynux.tx and totally clueless what is that! 

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Posted in: personal

Humor : Jonah's Tale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically
impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large
mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

Humor: Parrot Saint and Sinner

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two
female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest asks.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?!"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.

"You know, I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the
Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis
and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots
are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.
"Thank you," the woman said, "this may be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her
in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and
praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do
you want to have some fun?
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put
the beads away, Frankie, our prayers have been answered!"

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

Humor: Call Center Agent Adventures

Actual Call Center Calls



Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you
help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we’re open."
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug
the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now,
can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland "
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a
worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK'
button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

Humor: Before The Problem starts

 I'm still on vacation and can't think any serious topic for today.. Here is another joke to make you smile..

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says "Give me a beer before
problems start!" The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer.
After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems
start!" The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer.
This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused
and asks the man "What do you mean with before problems start? And when are you
going to pay for all the beers you drunk."
The man answers "You see, now the problems start!"

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

Humor :Joke on Phone Conversation

The Bad news and Very Bad News!

Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, you might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse?! What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.” 








 

Idiot on the Phone
 
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!” 







 On the Poop

I walked into a public toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already
occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat
down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you going?"
I thought it a bit strange, but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad
thanks."
After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to?"
Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo. How about you?"
I then heard the voice for the third time ....."Sorry buddy, I'll have to call you back.
I've got some dickhead in the loo next to me answering everything I say."
—————————

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

random Funny Pic

Just some funny images...



At work

The effect of global warming

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Posted in: FunTyms

High Tech Dad

A little boy goes to his father and asks: “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers: “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I setup a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

You got a Male!

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Posted in: FunTyms

8 Sexual Deviant that Lives among Us

I read some news about a very old man molesting a 12 years old kid been arrested, and I got furious to this kind of act. So that gave me an idea to post something like this...to raise awareness that there are more sexual deviant that lives among us.





Frotteurism
This are the person who can achieve climax by just bumping into suspecting person. Others have to masturbate after they rub their private part in any of the body of their victims. They love the crowded place so that their act will not be obvious.

Voyeurism
     The classic peeping tom. It can be much more than just getting an instant high from stolen lustful glances. When sexual pleasure is already obtained from looking at people in the buff or those engaging in sexual acts even without a desire to engage in sexual activity with them, then you've got a psychosexual disorder on your hands.
     Voyeurs are individuals who basically take the game too gar. And that's it. Voyeurism is an act of imposing superiority over the victim. It belongs in the same scopophilic spectrum as exhibitionism." Thats when become chronic.



Necrophilia
    Acts of Necrophilia were practiced in ancient Egypt it is considered as a way of spiritual connection with the dead.
   Today it it is a psycho sexual disorder, in vogue among serial killers who get that extra high by killing then copulating with their victims.

Pedophilia
   This is the most common crime as of today.
If you feel a strange sexual attraction to prepubuscent girls/boy, seeking a professional help is a must before you spiral downwards to a life crime. There is no child that is capable of seducing adult. It is also an act of power and dominance expressed sexually for persons who feel terrorized by a fellow adult, and therefore gain this feeling of dominance and superiority by pedophilic acts."

Sadomashochist
    As the word denotes, sadomasochism is a mixture of sadistic and masochistic sexual activity The sadist is the one who takes the whip; the masochist is the one who enjoys the submissions.

Exhibitionism
     Exhibitionism is defined as " Sexual gratification, above and beyond the sexual act itself, that is achieved by risky public sexual activity and /or bodily exposure" |The person with this sexual disorder thinks of it as power play and think that their action as a form of art. The victims reaction , be it surprise, disgust, awe or fright becomes the primary objective for the exhibitionist.



Nymphomania
    When a woman wants it so bad and thinks about getting laid 24/7 it is already a sexual disorder.She love having sex in different people. Nymphomaniac have an intense fear of loss of love.. Nymphomania can be based on a drive to express their femininity- someone wants constant reassurance that they are feminine, and therefore can be psychologically dependent on the partner.

Satyriasis
   Satyriasis is to man what nymphomania is to a woman.. It is essentially a manifestation of masculine strivings, a drive to show masculinity in order to counteract deep feelings of inferiority ( or unconscious homosexual urger).

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Posted in: F.Y.I.

Humor: Dinner Talk

A family is at the diner table. Out of the blue, the son ask his father,
" Dad, How many kinds of boobies are there?"
 The father, surprised answers,
"Well , Son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a womans breast are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?" Asked the son.
"When you see them and they will make you cry!" replied by the father.

This infuriated his wife and his daughter.... So the daughter asked to her Mom
"Mom, How many kinds of penises are there?"
The mother smiles and answers,
"Well dear, A man goes through three phases. In hi twenties , his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. On his thirties and forties, Its a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A christmas tree?" asked the daughter.
"Yes! Dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

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Posted in: FunTyms,humor

Tale of a Chicken

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Posted in: funny,FunTyms

10 Reason Why Girls get annoyed to a Man

If you ask me how did I know since I am a man. It's a result of a survey, I observed and learn from the experience. I'm following this in able not to pissed a girl of my dreams.. lol

10. Annoying Pick up line: 
Get real to yourself and avoid stupid pick-up line, such as "Haven't we met?" its freaking obvious if you know the girl you will not ask that pick up line and you will just say her name  or the pick up line "You are gorgeous today" , that's wrong, you are just saying she's just gorgeous for today and not on the coming days or the past day and you are implying that she is just gorgeous because of he make-up because you are staring at her face all the time or at her cleavage.

9. Absent Minded:
Being absent minded shows that you are definitely not interested in her!


8. Sports fanatic
Don't talk to much sports for girls because they will look like idiot just smiling because they are pretending that they are interested but when it is too much for them in the end they will walk away to you.


7. Staring to other girl
It's a freaking insult.. Trust me... I got slap when I caught staring to others.. hahaha

6. too many vices
If you smoke, drink too much, gamble, on drugs.. definitely you are not her Prince Charming.

5. boastful
Instead of trying to impress the girl, He will find you a man with big balls, love yourself too much and over confident.

4.love = sex
If you love me, prove it to me.. lets make love... HA!? Love is not just sex dude!

3. rude
Be polite


2. cheating
Do I need to say more to this? If you caught, she will cursed you and you will be kick in your ass!

1. lazy
Everyone hates it! Not only girls

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Posted in: F.Y.I.

Humor: Police Intimidation Level

   

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Posted in: funny,FunTyms,police