The Bad news and Very Bad News!
Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, you might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse?! What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
Idiot on the Phone
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
On the Poop
I walked into a public toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already
occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you going?"
I thought it a bit strange, but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad
After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to?"
Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo. How about you?"
I then heard the voice for the third time ....."Sorry buddy, I'll have to call you back.
I've got some dickhead in the loo next to me answering everything I say."