Setting Free the one you love

"If you love somebody set them free... If they come back.. they are yours.. If not, they never will.."
That quote is one of my favorite piece of advice I'd like to give to a brokenhearted friend or acquaintance . Upon listening to others people problem,  I always came up a piece of advice that makes them smile and realize something better is coming and it is for good.
For six days since September 11,2011 I've been trying to convince myself .. It felt like all I learned and teach to others is gone and I don't believe myself anymore.. My mind tells me to do something right and good but my heart refuse and question myself if it is right...

September 12, 2011 almost 1 a.m. we are still at videoke bar and 1 more hour we need to go back home and only 14 hours left before her flight. I want to make it memorable for her..  I did the best.. I prepared this for month and so far my plan is working smoothly.. I gave my girlfriend a three white heart shaped balloon and an 8 shape pendant , etch with our initials...  I was shaking when I gave my gift and got tongue-tied.. I convince myself it is time and I should tell her.... it hard to say the word.. the words that is running in my mind from the moment I step at the videoke bar that waiting for the right time..  the words that keeps running my mind that makes my heart painful like a million tiny needles that is piercing..  I ask myself to find the last courage I have because time is running fast.. I look in her eyes, upon seeing her eyes I smiled and slowly put the pendant in her necklace and saying " this eight shape pendant means my infinite love for you and by simple saying thank you for everything and teaching me to love.."   I saw her smile and teary eyes, I tried to break the ice and put a little humor " stop crying or else I will nominate you in OSCAR award for best actress."  she laugh at me and said that I am so silly because she can see that I am teary eyes again...my only response is a smile and I look at the people around me... I saw them glued watching us, I dont know if they are enjoying what they see or the guys is enjoying to see me torturing myself, while some of our female friends cried and I told them " hoy mga engot wala kayo sa sinehan.. Ha!ha!ha!"/" Hey you guys are stupid you are not in the movie house... ha!ha!ha!" and they all laugh at some replied just continue what we are doing...
      I need to break the ice because anytime my heart will explode that's why I divert my attention to my usher friends because the next move that I will do is painful... I gave her the 3 heart shaped white balloon and saying..... " this balloon..."  my heart became to heavy and I felt like someone is crushing my heart.. "this 3 heart shaped balloon means my pure love saying how much I love you..."  after saying that my heart beats faster...  "if you let this balloon fly, my love will soar high.."    now I can feel some warm liquid flowing on my face..  " if you set this balloon free, it means setting me free from this stupid feeling and setting you free.. free from your childish boyfriend.. free to worry me... free to do things.. free from everything without a guilty feeling... free from anger because what if I got tempted to someone or you receive a gossip or vice versa."   Upon saying that I made a face palm, fuck what did I say.. crap.. crap..
I look at her and saw her crying.. for the last time I crab the courage  "this balloon means I'm giving your freedom back!" I'm already crying and tried to get out in the room.. walk fast away from her.. I don't want to see her decision... I don't want that balloon to see fly... I'm already outside and my friends followed me.. I don't care to them, all I want is to vanish and go home.. I heard  my girlfriend shouting me at the window

"Hoy Gago ka! Ikaw ang best actor pinaiyak mo kaming lahat oh.. bumalik ka dito oscar best actor" / "Hey you Asshole! You are the best actor, you made us all cry here.. come back here OSCAR best actor."  My friends laugh and so was the others but I just remain standing outside.. the last thing I know is she's standing beside me and smiling.. I saw her untying the balloons and letting all the air near her heart and saying " now I know how much you love me. I will not let this balloon fly but instead I let the air out near my heart and breath it in, the air from your balloon will be the air of my heart to keep moving and to ease the loneliness in Canada while I'm away and this night will be remember."  I smiled but still she's leaving then she said "You can flirt to anyone while I'm away  but when I came back you will be mine and lets hope for the better!" she grab my beer belly, pinch me and pulling my love handle which is hurting me while she lead the ways upstair. I told her to stop because its painful, I mean pulling my love handle while going back to our videoke room.. she just replied " You punishment for being a Drama King of the night Mister Oscar best actor!" we all laugh and we made an agreement  "NO PROMISES! Let the destiny decide!"
somewhat my heart is refusing but smiling...

Posted in: personal