7:08 AM
Jade
Here's some idiot people who try to make fun with monkey ... watch the video and have fun..
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
October 30, 2011
October 29, 2011
October 28, 2011
Different Kind of Drinker
What kind of a drinker are you???
* The Manager
The one who invites friend to drink and treat them..Most of the time the one who pays the tab.
* The Playmaker
This type of person observe every move of his/her friend. Sometimes they are the one who reminds us that its your turn to drink or you are too drunk and need to rest...
* The hiker
In a party place they are the one who have known a lot of friend.
Active: Constantly transferring seats to get more drinks
Passive: seat hopping to avoid drinking too much...
* The denial King/Queen
They are pretending that they are not drunk and still drinking to impress others but in reality they will crawl the floor..
* The Drama King/ Queen
When they are drunk they became sentimental and will remember every sad moment of their sober life.
*The Flash
In the blink of an eye they are gone. This type of drinker can do vanishing act. They are the one who goes home without informing friends. Either this person is trying to avoid paying or contributing to the bills, the parents is looking for them, or their lover is furious and they need to go back home fast...
*the chosen one
the errand boy as we call it... The one who buy tube ice, another round of liquor, clean the mess in the party, etc.
*the incredible hulk
When this type of drinker get drunk, he will become incredible hulk. The one who loves to pick a fight. They will get angry easily.. They love to prove they are man enough or strong enough.
*Dead man Drinker
The first person who get drunk easily.
*Sex finder
A drinker that always looking and searching for sex when drunk.. A drinker the feels he/she is the sexiest human on earth.
*The Joker
The drinker with a lot of humorous stories and with him/her in the group everyone will have a good laughing trip.
*The Barber
They are the drinker who loves to tell story even it is non-sense or not funny.. In short term "Talk Shit!"
*Videoke King and Queen
Doesn't care much whatever happenings around his/her surroundings as long as he/she have the microphone and sings a lot.. This type of drinker thought they are great singer when drunk.
*The Original
Always present in every drinking party.
So guys and girls which one of you here??? H ave a great and safe weekend!
October 25, 2011
Never Walks at night near cemetery
Ghost rider err I mean Skeleton rider in real life to give a scare out of innocent passerby near the cemetery but to give us the best laugh. This video is epic.. A must see! You will laugh hard...
October 20, 2011
60 second = 1 minute
This is confusing...
On a microwave , if you push 60 seconds, it will cook for 60 seconds or 1 minute...
and if you press 1.00 minute in the oven, it will cook for one minute or 60 seconds.. right?
My question if you press 1.00 minute + 1 minute in microwave = 2 minutes of cooking time.
but if you press 60 second twice you will get 60 seconds + 60 seconds =it will only cook one minute and twenty seconds (1.20 seconds). Eventhough 60 seconds is equal to one minute...
how come 1 minute + 1 minute is equal to 2 minutes while the 60 seconds + 60 seconds is only one minute and twenty seconds?
Posted in: humor
October 13, 2011
Cigarettes and Tampons
Hey guys..sorry for not posting and updating the site.. After getting back to reality I keep myself busy and face whatever problems I ignored from work. For those who inspired me by sending email... thanks never expected it... I'm normal again.. now for today.. a humor for you by dear readers...
Cigarettes and Tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, " Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife.?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday , I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause 'it's soooooooooo much cheaper.'
So I figure if i have to roll my own....... so does she!"
Posted in: humor
August 21, 2011
The Birthday Gift
Isabelle Prévost has the most best, funniest, and weird gift she ever had from his ex-husband who happened to be a Mayor and own a excavation company. Isabelle recieved a a 20-tonne, gift-wrapped boulder her driveway.
.
Dany Larivière, who is the mayor of Saint-Théodore-d’Acton, near Montreal, claims to have deposited the rock in Isabelle Prévost’s driveway in a bid to get her to stop harassing him.
.
August 19, 2011
Humor: The moral Story of One stone
Good day readers.. here's another humor try to guess the moral story...
One Stone - This was his Indian name given to him
because he had only one testicle. After years and
years of this torment One Stone cracked and said, "If
anyone calls me One Stone again I will kill them!" The
word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and
said, "Good morning, One Stone." He jumped up, grabbed
her and took her deep into the forest, and there he
made love to her all day, he made love to her all
night, he made love to her all the next day, until
Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that One Stone meant business.
Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned
to the village after many years away. Yellow Bird, who
was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw One
Stone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you, One
Stone."
One Stone grabbed her and took her deep into the
forest where he made love to her all day, made love to
her all night, made love to her all the next day, made
love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird
wouldn't die!
What is the moral of the story?
(You'll love this ...)
Sometimes, You can't kill two Birds with One Stone !
One Stone - This was his Indian name given to him
because he had only one testicle. After years and
years of this torment One Stone cracked and said, "If
anyone calls me One Stone again I will kill them!" The
word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and
said, "Good morning, One Stone." He jumped up, grabbed
her and took her deep into the forest, and there he
made love to her all day, he made love to her all
night, he made love to her all the next day, until
Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that One Stone meant business.
Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned
to the village after many years away. Yellow Bird, who
was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw One
Stone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you, One
Stone."
One Stone grabbed her and took her deep into the
forest where he made love to her all day, made love to
her all night, made love to her all the next day, made
love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird
wouldn't die!
What is the moral of the story?
(You'll love this ...)
Sometimes, You can't kill two Birds with One Stone !
August 18, 2011
Humor: Good Manners
During one of her daily lessons, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks her students the following question: “Michael, If you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael says “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
The teacher responds by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman says, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.”
The teacher faints.
July 25, 2011
Humour: Chihuahua
A woman walks into a bar with her 5-pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this
guy, whom she notices is looking a little bit queasy.
A few minutes go bye.....
the guy looks at her and suddenly throws up.
He looks down
and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I
don't remember eating that!"
Posted in: humor
July 24, 2011
Humour: The bartender and the Hot chick
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy
seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"
He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't
know if you’re the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."
Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem,
miss."
She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he
begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!"
She goes, "Can you tell the manager something for me?"
The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
July 23, 2011
Humour: The Alligator trick
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says
"Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, let’s see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it
in the gator’s mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head
with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick
without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Posted in: humor
July 22, 2011
Humour: Guess what's the Dinner
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but
will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their
dad for the clue.
Well, he said, “It's what mommy calls me sometimes.”
The little girl screams to her brother
“Don't eat it, it's an asshole.”
July 21, 2011
Humour: Encounter with Attorney
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
July 19, 2011
Humour: The Mother and the blind boy
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother.
The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will
come true!"
Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep.
The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish
didn't come true!" and mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will
come true!"
Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep.
The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish
didn't come true!" and mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
July 17, 2011
Humor : Jonah's Tale
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically
impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large
mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
July 16, 2011
Humor: Parrot Saint and Sinner
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two
female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest asks.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?!"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
"You know, I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the
Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis
and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots
are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.
"Thank you," the woman said, "this may be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her
in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and
praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do
you want to have some fun?
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put
the beads away, Frankie, our prayers have been answered!"
July 15, 2011
Humor: Call Center Agent Adventures
Actual Call Center Calls
Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you
help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we’re open."
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug
the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now,
can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland "
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a
worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK'
button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
July 14, 2011
Humor: Before The Problem starts
I'm still on vacation and can't think any serious topic for today.. Here is another joke to make you smile..
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says "Give me a beer before
problems start!" The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer.
After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems
start!" The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer.
This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused
and asks the man "What do you mean with before problems start? And when are you
going to pay for all the beers you drunk."
The man answers "You see, now the problems start!"
problems start!" The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer.
After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems
start!" The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer.
This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused
and asks the man "What do you mean with before problems start? And when are you
going to pay for all the beers you drunk."
The man answers "You see, now the problems start!"
July 13, 2011
Humor :Joke on Phone Conversation
The Bad news and Very Bad News!
Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, you might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse?! What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
Idiot on the Phone
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
On the Poop
I walked into a public toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already
occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat
down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you going?"
I thought it a bit strange, but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad
thanks."
After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to?"
Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo. How about you?"
I then heard the voice for the third time ....."Sorry buddy, I'll have to call you back.
I've got some dickhead in the loo next to me answering everything I say."
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