Failure of a friend

Are you afraid of failing in life?

The word Failure is not on my vocabulary of life.. I hate failing that why I always plan and think whatever action I will make. I don't want to be failure, I've seen a lot of failure, I've surrounded with that word. I've seen people falling.. As much as possible I avoid that..


What I learn from people around me that fails, I love helping them and giving them advice, but in reality I'm scared and hoping that it will not happen to me. at first it seems hopeless case but the next thing you know they are much better person and stronger than before and they learn from their mistake.

As of now I feel devastated because I failed helping someones life. A battered wife who fight for her right for 3 years and lost in a court case. I saw how she's been humiliated in court... to make the story short. the truth bend by lies.. she lost the case and we convinced her that the fight is not over and we can bring it to the higher court. Gabriela (woman's group that fight the right of a woman) and the Department of social worker will help her, DSWD(department of social worker and development) to bring her life back to normal , provide some doctor and psychiatrist.. I gave her advice and we help her... but in the end.. She Hang herself in the front door of her ex- live-in partner who abuse her, drug her, battered her, killed her 2nd baby in her womb.
   I'm thinking what went wrong and asking did we failed to save her sanity? Why did she deal so much of that asshole guy.. Why did she embrace that life's failure and didn't fight? so much why for me ...a failure from life tragedy..she failed finding a true love, she failed to have a good husband, she failed to have a strong faith and much of failing.. 
I got shock when I heard the news from her grandmother... I asked Grandma Pearl " why did she do it? " I know to myself it is the stupid question because I know her granddaughter story, that word mum to my mouth without thinking much.. She just replied "I have no idea." I look at her and crying while she's saying " Myra's last word to me, that her goal is to give conscience to that bastard and my only response they have no conscience." the old lady is crying and hand me the suicide letter.. I read the letter but I can't understand it because of mix emotion.. mad at her, pity on her, mercy on her.. and lot more... and the only word that trigger my brain and embedded in my heart when I saw that we are special mention in her suicide note "La, pakisabi kay kuya J at ate lydz salamat, pagod na kasi ako." (Grandma, tell to big brother Jay and sister lydz Thank you, I'm already tired.) She called me kuya as a respect.

       I treated her as my friend and she made me stronger on how to deal life... Trying to inject a humor on the situation to ease the pain of the old lady but I can't... or still I have this funny guy inside me and didn't give up cheering the old lady by saying to grandma "la pakisabi sa apo mo wag akong multuhin naging mabuting kaibigan naman ako sa kanya, multuhin nalang nya yung walangya nyang EX! Duwagis ako sa multo eh!" "Grandma tell to your granddaughter that don't haunt her ghost on me, I've become a good friend to her. Just haunt her Bastard EX! I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to ghost!" then I saw lola pearl smile at me...

Posted in: personal